HOW LONG?
A four-year relationship might take two to four months to get over. A relationship is an emotional connection between two people, with the sole aim or purpose of becoming future partners.
For someone to be in a 4-year relationship, you must have passed through the talking stage, friendship stage, relationship stage, and courtship.
You must have been acquainted with friends and family. It might seem rather strange for a 4-year relationship to fall apart, but it happens and when it happens it takes time to heal.
You should have it in your mind that no matter the months and weeks it takes you would definitely get over it. And the fact that a relationship has lasted more than a year doesn’t mean it won’t fail.
The duration for how long it takes to get over a 4-year relationship can’t be guaranteed based on the individual healing process but the important thing is there are processes you can pass through to get through it.
Read Also: What Does Heartbreak Feel Like?
How Do You Get Over A 4 Year Relationship?
There are various ways you can get through to get over a four years relationship, they include:
HAVING A BREAK-UP PLAYLIST
As it is said, music is the food of the soul, and listening to good music can help you recover at an unusual pace. Instead of brooding over what has happened to create a breakup playlist, would help you get over the depression period
GET OVER IT WITH A THERAPIST
Visit a therapist and pour out your feelings, it’s a four years relationship, not six months, you would definitely feel depressed, you would constantly think about the hurt, the betrayal, the signals you saw and choose to ignore, how badly you have been treated or how you should have listened to corrections and changed your ways, so you would need therapist advice to move on.
Read Also : How Long Does Heartbreak Last?
GET A HOBBY
Pick a particular hobby that would not only interest you but also help you grow positively.
Getting a hobby would most definitely keep you busy, it would keep you out of your personal life.
If it’s a hobby that not only interests you but helps you earn such as crocheting, yoga (It would help you stay fit), learning how to play musical instruments, or learning how to swim, whichever hobby you choose to derive make sure you love doing it because it would help you to gradually forget about your pain and start recovering.
TALK ABOUT IT
Feel free to talk about it with friends and family you trust or strangers you can never see again. A problem shared is half solved, you never can tell who would learn from your experience, or who had a similar experience to yours and would give you positive advice.
STOP YOUR COMMUNICATION
Stop whatever communication you have with your ex, stop texting, stop calling, and avoid going through their social pages or groups, It would help you get over them quickly.
LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES
While healing, also try to correct those mistakes you have made. Your ex might not necessarily be the cause of your separation, it might be your anger issues, your insecurities, your low level of trust, whatever the case may be. Try to work on yourself and change those attributes, be the best you can be.
MAKE PLANS
Plan your daily activities. Planning your routines would enable you to do the necessary things and roll out the unnecessary ones, it would also help you stay more focused and less resourceful. You would hardly have time to linger around because you would be always occupied.
KNOW IT’S TIME TO HEAL
Like there is time for everything, you should also know it is time to heal. You would want to go about with your daily life, you would want to do the things you did before, when you find yourself doing these things you can definitely say you are ready to move on and forget about your past.
Why Do Relationships Fall Apart After 4 Years?
A relationship that has been built for years can not just fall apart without reason, most relationships fall apart for the following reasons:
INSECURITY
Insecurity is a lack of uncertainty. Insecurity involves the act of feeling unworthy of your partner and hence you start having the feeling of uncertainty, you begin to doubt every one of your partner’s words or actions because you have built up that wall of unworthiness within you and you feel you can’t get up to his standard. Low self-esteem or lack of self-worth can cause insecurity.
JEALOUSY
Jealousy involves a state of suspicious guarding towards your spouse from fears of infidelity. When you are already the next stage would be jealousy. You begin to go through your partner’s phone, and social media accounts to satisfy that quest within you that he is really cheating. You appear in his house or office without invitation or without properly informing him, just so you could prove a point.
LACK OF TRUST
Lack of trust simply involves a lack of reliance on your partner. Earlier before you became insecure you would blindly believe whatever he says but now you would need to triple-check. Little things would result in big issues when you get to this level, you feel your partner no longer has your back or interest at heart.
Lack of trust might also be developed if your partner is one who is not always truthful.
LIFE HABITS
Refusal to give up on your usual habits might also be the cause of a relationship failure. Crop out those actions you perform daily that are against the likeness of your spouse, that doesn’t mean you should change yourself or fake it but rather it means you should change those bad habits like lack of self-care, bad fashion sense, relating to food, or aggressiveness.
POOR COMMUNICATION
Poor communication can affect your relationship, but that doesn’t mean you should see yourselves regularly or message yourself regularly, you can create boundaries, and set time for all that at the same time make sure you communicate with each other frequently, you should always make out time for yourself, or get to sit and talk properly. It’s good to be career oriented and engaged in work but you shouldn’t give room for so much space in your relationship.
LACK OF RESPECT
In a relationship, both parties are meant to accord themselves respect in order for the relationship to move smoothly, respect your spouse in the way you would want him to respect you.
DIFFERENCE IN PRIORITIES
Try as much as possible to sort out your differences. If your individual difference would be the cause for an argument then it’s best that both of you settle for an entirely different option. When both partners don’t agree on the same things, He might want a low-key engagement and wedding and you want an elaborate one. Having these differences between partners can cause separation.
What Do You Do After A Break-Up?
- self-care
- reflection
- additional support
- keep yourself busy
- change your space
- set your boundaries
- disconnect
SELF-CARE
Take proper care of your personal health, eat healthy, sleep when you ought to, take your bath regularly, and put on the right outfits. Try to stay physically healthy.
REFLECTION
Reflect on those habits you need to work on, work on yourself and if you are not improving see a therapist if necessary.
ADDITIONAL SUPPORT
Get additional support, care, and love from family and trusted friends.
KEEP YOURSELF BUSY
Do things that would keep you busy, learn new vocations, and new recipes, take up new courses, and the latest fashion sense. Make sure you are always busy with something.
CHANGE YOUR SPACE
Join a circle of like minds. Improve yourself by joining the right community and finding yourself.
SET YOUR BOUNDARIES
There are lessons you must have learned, so before starting a new relationship you should sit down and set your new boundaries while setting those boundaries also make sure you won’t settle for less or bend those principles.
DISCONNECT
Disconnect from those things or people that influence you negatively. While changing your space and embracing change you also need to let go of the bad influences and habits, that is the only way your change can be impactful.
CONCLUSION
Acceptance is the first key to recovering from a long relationship break-up. You would need to face reality. If your relationship is still on, try to learn from the reasons why most relationships fall even after coming this far. Be honest and open-minded with each other. Learn to apologize when necessary, saying sorry can change a whole lot of things.
Learn to trust no matter how difficult it is.
Accord each other with love and respect, doing this would give room for peace. You can’t insult someone you respect. At times compromise, you both have different priorities, try to sit and talk about it, and make use of your ideas. For instance, he wants a big wedding and you want a low-key wedding, compromise with one another, make it a low-key engagement, church wedding, or court wedding, and then a big reception.
If ever you feel you can’t handle it and you can’t go on with the relationship it is better to now. If it didn’t get better now it won’t later.
-Ibukun Ilufoye