If you are asking the question is it normal for my boyfriend to hit me, yes it is wrong. The act of hitting you itself involves physical abuse. And physical abuse involves a deliberate act causing injury, trauma, or physical harm to another person by bodily contact.
Now back to the question, no matter how angry or upset your partner/ boyfriend might get due to your behavior or misdeeds, it is not correct and acceptable to hit one’s partner.
Even the Bible says “All violence is considered an offense against God and against humanity”. The Bible strongly condemns any form of physical violence and abolishes it. A man should be able to control his anger in such situations and leave that point of argument if necessary to prevent such from happening.
Is It?
No, it is not right for your spouse, or boyfriend to hit you. I know disagreement, conflict, and misunderstandings cannot be afforded in an intimate relationship but that should not guarantee or give any man the right to hit a woman or any woman the right to hit a man. Yes, this is his first time, you feel it is a mistake because you probably provoked or upset him or you pushed him to it because of your constant nags and all.
But physical abuse is not an option, there are other ways to correct you. He should have walked out. Or he should have just kept quiet.
While it is natural for it to be a mistake for some men and they are genuinely sorry it might not apply to others. A man can be genuinely sorry after hitting you and never try to do such again even after marriage. While for some other men it won’t stop, rather it is the beginning of more physical abuse to come.
Abusive partners have the strong belief that restricting or preventing their partner’s particular way of life is their right. They believe their feelings should be made important and protected in the relationship.
They just want to enjoy that power they feel when they see the fear in their partner’s eyes due to the pain inflicted on their partner. Like I said earlier some men are genuinely sorry and would not repeat such an act again and some are not.
If your boyfriend hit you once and apologizes and he does it again, then consider him an abusive partner. He won’t stop when you get married, not even when you change that habit. If you change that habit to please him, he will end up asking you to change yourself completely. So in such cases, that act is considered a red flag, a warning sign that you shouldn’t continue with the relationship.
In marriages, such acts are called domestic violence, but in relationships, it is physical abuse.
Some ladies actually consider physical abuse a normal thing and a thing of necessity. They feel their partner has the right to hit them whenever and wherever they please. It is actually not their fault, some of these ladies are being influenced by social pressure, the society and the world we live in see it as a new normal so why do I have to object to it?
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I have heard a case about a young lady who had grown up seeing her father beat her mother at every little and given mistake. The mother has never objected or tried to defend herself; she accepts and even apologizes to the Man after the pain inflicted on her.
And so, she grew up considering that act has something that is right and shows happen. She allows her boyfriend to beat her because she is used to such an ideology. So to some people, it is right and the ways of society, but the truth is it is very wrong and should not be condoned.
10 Things To Do If My Boyfriend Hits Me Once
What are those or the steps you should take when your boyfriend hits you for the first time? You might be having various thoughts running through your head like should I forgive him because it is his first time? Or should I run away to avoid getting hit more often and resorting to assault? Well, we would be taking it a step at a time, If your boyfriend hits you for the first time you should do the following:
- Exit/Leave That Spot:
- Time For Reflection
- Do Not Give Excuses
- Get Help
- Take Your Time
- Do Not Guarantee A Second Chance
- Plan To End The Relationship
- End The Relationship
- Move On
- Focus On Building Yourself
Exit/Leave That Spot:
If that happens, leave the spot right away. Try to get away from there so as for things not to get ugly. It’s possible your actions or words pushed him into it. But still, that’s not enough reason to abuse you physically. Go to a place where you can be calm. Or better still go home.
Time For Reflection
When you finally find a calm place suitable for your mood. Think about the incident. Reflect on his previous actions, his previous actions not just to you but to those around him. Is he aggressive with people?
Is he someone who doesn’t take corrections? Does he get angry often? Has he been physical with anyone? You have to think carefully about these questions. Only you can find answers to them and decide what comes next.
There is a tendency he has changed from those attributes but you can’t be so sure, so try to reflect on his past and present actions. Think about what resulted in that act. Think about where you went wrong. Because you also need to learn.
Do Not Give Excuses
After much thought, questions, and answers to your questions. You can figure out this step. Now if your answers to those questions show that your partner has been aggressive, short-tempered and all in the past and present with other people aside then there is a tendency that that won’t be the last time he hits you.
But he has never been short-tempered or aggressive with people or you, It might just be a moment he couldn’t control and it happened accidentally. Whichever case, do not give excuses for him such as my partner getting angry because I pushed him. No, let his repentant act speak for him.
Get Help
If you need help trying to forget about the incident. Seek help from a therapist. Learn from others’ experiences and apply them wisely. Hear what your family has to say about it, what the therapist has to say, and not what social media has to say. Don’t listen to societal views. Rather listen and follow what is right.
Take Your Time
You can ask for space or a little time to consider his apologies or go back to him. You definitely need time to forget and forgive completely so if you feel you need some space ask for it.
Do Not Guarantee A Second Chance
If you know you won’t be able to continue the relationship. And it’s too much for you to handle. Do not guarantee a second chance. Just state it clearly. And mean it when you say it.
Plan To End The Relationship
Plan to end the relationship only when you think it’s not worth saving. You have the answer to those questions if it is worth saving it means he isn’t aggressive and he is truly remorseful. But if not, map out plans to end the relationship.
End The Relationship
When you have thought about it thoroughly. You feel things are not going to change since he is an aggressive and quick-to-anger person. Then the best thing is to end the relationship in a peaceful and respectful manner. Let your statements be clear and do not beat around the bush.
Move On
Avoid sending texts or calls. Do not take calls or texts from him. If he disturbs you often or follows you around, file a restraining order to keep him in check. We all know it is not easy to end a relationship but still, it’s not worth your mental and physical health. Move on. Do things that make you happy and try to forget about the past. You can cry if you want to, it would help lessen the pain as long as you are moving on.
Focus On Building Yourself
Improve on those aspects you are lagging behind. Make your self-worth and self-care your priorities. Spend time with friends and family. Spend time with those you love and those that love you completely.
Conclusion
We all have this point in our lives when we get angry or upset with our loved ones. It is natural for disagreement to come between families, loved ones, and all. But do we end up hitting our siblings, pets, or families whenever we get angry or disappointed? Of course, we don’t! So if we can’t hit our families or intentionally hurt them why do it to someone you love dearly and you cannot do without?
The ability to control one’s anger and emotions make or mar you. The fact that it is acceptable in society or the fear of what people would say if they discovered we broke up shouldn’t make you take on lifelong pain and hurt. Leave when you can!
-Ilufoye Ibukun